The greatest lie never sold

Back in the good ol days … (don’t ya love to say that!) when I was young and crazy with wild curly hair, I used to believe my mother that when I ate sugar it made my cheeks go bright red.  How was I to know that my mother used this as a con to lead me into telling her the truth about eating lollies.

Ma – Amy what have you been eating?

Me – Nothing *smiles sweetly* a banana

Ma – Your cheeks are bright red, you have had sugar, what have you been eating?

Me - *feeling busted by those damn red cheeks* umm a chocolate biscuit

It led to the point that I would run around and around the backyard to get my whole face bright red before coming inside to face my mother hoping that a hot and bothered red face would hide the fact that I had those damn red sugar alerting cheeks.

One afternoon I had been nagging for something to eat, it was rather close to dinner time so I kept being denied.  After then 10^th time of being told no I had a bright idea to ask if I can go play next door, to which I was reluctantly allowed to go as long as I was back when hollered at for dinner.

See, the bright idea of mine was that next door was our elderly neighbours, and I couldn’t ever go a visit to them without getting a glass of Milo, and Milo was chocolaty goodness that we were not allowed at home.  Besides the Milo, I actually really enjoyed hanging out next door, I could play with the cats, get chased by the ducks in the back yard that often bit the back of my legs and made me cry, wash the dog, sing and dance and perform for Sylvia who doted on me as all her children were over 15 years older than me, and besides, I was cute dammit.  In my eyes everyone but my brother and sister wanted my company … but in saying all that … it was the Milo that got me visiting every day.

So off I toddled next door with strict instructions not to eat anything, and that my cheeks would be checked when I got back.

I played with the cat, I fed it a months supply of dry food, I sat up on the bar stool swinging my legs about singing my all time favourite song, Gloria ( I didn’t know any words other than Gloria so it involved singing over and over again GLORIA, GLORIA, GLORIA) and then I was offered a glass of Milo.  Jackpot.  That was what I came for. 

Surely 1 glass of milo would not make my cheeks red.  It was worth the chance.

I devoured that glass like no bodies business.  Best way to have a milo is to mix it all in and then add some more so you have crunchy bits on top. 

It was nearly dinner time so I said my goodbyes and ran out the back door to head on home making sure I was running in the hope that if I was seen running back then that might explain the red cheeks. 

Everyone was sitting in the lounge room and started laughing at me when I came in.

In my mind I looked cute and pretty and pristine.

Infact I looked something like this.

Ma – what have you been eating?

Me – nothing *smiles sweetly*

I then catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window

Me – I fell in the dirt, I tripped on the back step and got dirt all over my face

Ma – and you managed to only get dirt all over your face?  No where else?

Me – no I brushed it off

Thinking that I had got away with it, maybe the milo disguised as dirt were hiding my red cheeks.  Yes that’s it .. that’s the key, smear dirt on my cheeks from now on.

My brother – then why do you smell like chocolate

Me *uh oh* ahhhhhh

Ma – sure it was milo?  Looks like milo all over your face

Me - *UH OH* ahhh no, no its dirt

I should have stoped there … but I was determined to pull it off.  So I re-enacted how I fell down the steps, by closing the sliding door and not looking.  I went into such detail, the more I carried on the more I felt I had to keep going.  I finish my re-enactment, beaming with pride.  Yep .. im going to be the next Shirley temple.

That’s when the laughter started… im not sure if its actually ever stopped!