Don’t try and kiss on a swing like they do in a movie …. Unless you want to fall off backwards and expose yourself in a very unflattering way
The year was 1996, I was in year 11 at high school and had 2 best friends, Jody and Lydia. As typical 16 year olds we were a little boy, pot, booze and sex crazy. We wanted any of them at any given time and if we could we would have choosen to have them all at once. What can I say ... we were good little catholic girls.
One night Jody, Lydia and I were in the city playing laser tag with Jody's boyfriend from her tafe course. I really should remember his name .. but well ... what does it matter, she only pretended to date him so she could pretend she wasnt gay. Interesting fact, she later came out as being gay only to end up not being gay and marrying some guy who was also an ex gay .... hmmm ... really? ex or cover up!!, so lets call him boygina ... because he was a boy who she wanted to have a vagina.
Boygina was 17-ish .. I think, lets just say he was still in highschool, yet he had mates who were 18-22ish. This one night after Lydia and I had enough fun of making Jody and Boygina kiss and be touchy feely with each other (because we knew it gave her the creeps and we had fun making her uncomfortable) we begged boygina (ooo i think his name was Tim .. but I'll stick with boygina) call his mates to come meet us in the city. I dont think it took much encouraging, 1 phone call from Boygina to say hey im in the city with 3 girls what are you up to tonight, next thing we knew we were walking down Flinders street to meet them. Warren, Chad (known as The Chad ... again dont really remember why, infact I dont think I can actually remember him ever speaking) Pat (who Lydia and I referred to as Post Man Pat - which is a story for another day) and I am sure there was someone else ... but .. eh ... this story only revolves around those named.
These boys drove all the way in the city, were there for 10 minutes before they were all piling us into their 2 cars to get us back to their place. I mean looking back on it now, its like ... duhhhh ... it was a sure thing, but being 16 and trying to be innocent, both Lydia and I so did not know how to play it cool and were seriously trying to work out if 1, we would be able to get high with them at their place, 2, if we were going to get a pash, and 3 - trying to signal with our eyes who we wanted said pash with.
There was the choice of Warren and his ute, and Pat and his beast of a car, only 1 other person could sit in Warrens ute, I knew Lydia would freak out if she had to be on her own so I said I would go with Warren.
We instantly didnt like each other, I thought he was a dick, he thought I was a bimbo, found out later it was because I kept flicking my hair. To explain the hair thing, I had long long long hair, and ALWAYS wore it up, but Lydia made me straighten it at her place and wear it out because she said I looked pretty with it out. It felt so weird to have long straight hair and to have it wearing out, that I probably did play with it and flick it around a bit .. but also .. I was 16 dude ... what else do 16 year olds do??? huh???
We get like 10 minutes down the road and Warrens ute breaks down and we pull over by the side of the road infront of a huge park. Thankfully Pat in the other car saw as well and turned around to come back.
It was not going well with the ute, Lydia and I sat along the edge of the park watching them all hover under the hood of the ute trying to get it to start again. I told her I thought Warren was a dick, she said she had the hots for him and that Pat was dissapointed I went with Warren because he said I had a huge rack.
I mean seriously ... I was impressed with that comment and then paranoid that I belw my chances with Pat ( I mean .. seriously ... I was 16, I didnt know better) and Lydia and I tried to work out a way to swap places when they got the ute working without seeming obvious.
After 30 minutes they decided to go call RACV to find out the wait would be at least 2 hours. The Chad arrived back mysteriously from somewhere and handed out some drinks, I had no idea where they came from but hell if i was going to knock them back. UDL's man, far too cool for school.
As I started on my 2nd, I started to feel very tipsy. Ok so I was a light weight ... pffft ... still am.
To make things worse I badly needed to pee, so did Lydia, thankfully it was dark and there was a huge park behind us, boygina and Jody were off pretending to be getting hot and dirty, but everyone knew that boygina would just be off pushing her on a swing or chasing squirrels because as if anything heavy was going to happen between them. We headed off trying to find a tree to pee behind that wouldnt expose us to anyone, and more importantly no one would be able to hear us pee. Thankfully we were both in skirts and tops, and after talking through how clumsy each of us were especially how we were a little tipsy, we decided to take our underwear off underneath so we could squat and pee and not pee on our undies ... I mean seriously ... it does take a talent even when your not drunk. We chose a tree each and got the giggles, I jokingly yelled out to lydia, "throw your undies in the tree so you dont drop them" 2 minutes later I hear her yell back, but now how do I get them down.
I nearly fell over laughing, I was smart and put mine in the pocket of my denim skirt so I couldnt drop them. I laughed so hard that if I hadnt just Pee'd, I probably would have wet my pants. I go over to her tree and see her undies high above in the branches. She started to punch me in the arm so I ran off laughing even harder, a little distracted from putting my underwear back on (this is vital information)
I eventually stop laughing and she eventually stops chasing me to start laughing as well, I mean, what could we do, she was silly enough to listen to me. Its not like we could climb up the tree to get them, and I kept teasing her I would go ask one of the boys to get them for her.
We head back, and just as I am about to sit down on the wall I remember that I didnt put my underwear back on, I was just about to make an excuse to do so when Pat grabs my hand and says "lets go find the swings".
Oh I was grinning from ear to ear. Half way accross the park I duck behind a tree and lean against it trying to look sexy and alluring but most likely looking like anything but. Post man Pat doesnt miss a beat and is in for the pash and the grope. As time goes by rather quickly I notice the bulge in Pats pants and quickly my mind goes to the bulge in my pocket ... yes ... my underwear. I was suddenly mortified for him to find that my underwear was in my pocket, I mean what would he think! So I break away mid pash and start running toward the swings hoping that I would find somewhere to pull my undies out and ditch them. So I did what any rational hormoned tipsy 16 year old would do .. I pulled them out and threw them out towards the side somewhere in front of me and hope that it wasnt noticed. I get to the swing feeling a little out of breath and sit down watching Pat walk towards me.
I feel the colour start to drain from my face.
I feel my arms begin to shake as I start to slow the swing down from swinging.
I look at Pat who is wearing a shit eating grin ... twriling my underwear around his finger.
I was beyond mortified. What could I do, what could I say. Pat put my undies in his pocket and sat on the other swing, he looks at me and starts laughing and says, 'i've always wanted a pair of pink underwear" trying to deflect the embarresment I reply with "ive always wanted to kiss like they do in the movies"
Pat grabs the chain of my swing and pulls it closer, my heart starts to beat a little faster, he leans in as the blood starts to return to my head in a big rush and I start feeling a little dizzy, i close my eyes and lean towards Pat as he pulls my swing around. I loosen my grip and start to feel myself falling into cloud 9 ... no wait .. I am actually falling .. I can feel my behind sliding off the back of the swing seat and my legs coming forward.
This aint no cloud 9.
I fall hard, my legs following through and kicking Pat square in the face and I land on my back, legs akimbo with my skirt rising very high.
I am horrified, I went for a pash and kicked him in the head. Nothing could be worse than this.
Pat looks down at me, I dont dare to move. He rubs his jaw and starts to smile. Great i think ... hear comes the laughter ... instead his grin becomes rather huge and he says ... "I've got your underwear in my pocket ..."
I guess there were many lessons in that tale ... but I would only change the kissing on the swing part ... Dude .... I landed in dirt!
